A Messy Room

What is it about kids that make them have the ability to see beyond the big chaotic mess of their rooms? IS it really more comfortable to them that way? I cringe when I walk by my kids' doorways. I avert my eyes many mornings. Sometimes I can't even make my way into their rooms without fear of breaking a leg. And I've tripped and fallen a few times trying to get to their closets.

We punish them and make them go to their rooms to clean it, but yet they never get it clean and organized enough. My daughter can spend twelve hours in there and not get anything done, even with us giving her helpful suggestions about what to do. I've tried charts, I've tried making it into a game, I've tried being stern. We take other privileges and make them dependent on getting their rooms clean, but yet they don't seem to be able to click over into "clean & organize" mode.

My husband and I are both fanatical about being organized, almost to the point that I wonder sometimes if we're not OCD. And I don't remember being this way as a child. I shared a room with my five siblings. We lived in an old mill house and my parents slept in the living room (yes there was a bed in the living room); we had no den or dining room, just the kitchen, living room, a bathroom on the partially enclosed back porch, and all six kids had the one bedroom upstairs. Oh, and the attic, but that's another story for another day. :-) My siblings were hugely messy, I was always cleaning up behind them. I remember when we'd be sent to "clean our room" that "my" part of the room would be clean and I'd spend four hours cleaning the rest of the room - messes the other five made! Maybe I was just a weird kid or it's an oldest child thing? But I can't stand to live in a mess.

My son recently went to Louisiana with his paternal grandfather and a church youth group. There they worked on homes damaged by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. As a gift to my son for doing something so charitable and wonderful I spent almost thirteen hours on that Saturday working in his room and closet, organizing things, getting rid of things, and going through his drawers. It was a sight to behold. My son was really thrilled when he returned. And it stayed that way for the last month or so, then last week I started noticing things piled up in the floor and piled up on dressers. Then there were random piles around on the floor of the closet, then the pile spread out into his room. Now I can't even see the floor of the closet. I pleaded, I cajoled, I threatened, and I even punished but he didn't seem capable of cleaning it up.

This morning before work I spent an hour in the daughter's room picking up stacks of clean laundry out of her floor, hanging them up, and putting things away in the drawers. I know I'm enabling their behavior, but I don't know what else to do at this point to get them to clean up and organize their things. My ex-husband would have boxed up everything he could and remove it from the rooms, that's what he used to do as punishment for having a dirty room. That never felt fair to me, but then again, I'm a softie.

So, what is a mom to do? How do I get them to take some ownership and some responsibility and get these rooms clean? How do I make them WANT to live in an organized manner?